Monday, June 16, 2008


Of the many perforations on the shower nozzle in my attached bath, there's this one hole around the edge that has something stuck on the inside. So when the water pushes it's way through, there's a thin and weak isolated stream shoots in a direction different from its counterparts that constitute the whole shower. I'm sitting here away from the shower in a position so that the segregated stream falls disseminated on the back of my head. It's a weird feeling of reminiscence. Its like you're standing under a light drizzle on a cloudy day, and the drops of water falls like little beads. They slowly trickle down your face and neck. And it's a weird feeling. My eyes are swollen red. I'm sniffing constantly. And my throat is strained. I was crying all this while. I can't say I was bawling because there was no sound. My mouth was stuffed to the pillow while I was trying so hard not make a single sound. And I could feel the intensity in my chest with all the breathlessness. Had I been all alone I would have screamed so loud it would have gild the lilies of all the neighbors. It has been a long long time since I cried like this. Its more of an outburst. I would consequently feel better. Your body does this to you when your mind refuses to function properly. Like a delusional person is slapped out of his pretty little escapades to make him return to reality. And my body stages this kind of a breakdown so that I return from my world of daydreams. So I won't be daydreaming again for some time. But it won't be long before soon. That is my escapade. That is the only place where I feel loved. That is the only place where I smile out of no reason. Nonetheless, it is after all unreal. And I know that. So I cry and cry. I strip naked and rush to the shower, but I don't even sit under it. I just sit under that weak little stream and let it precipitate on my neck. And just those droplets sadly trickle down as the tears have stopped.