Monday, March 10, 2008

The Field

Imagine... A field of white lilies and instead of green underneath its translucent, like ice sculptures... but they're not ice. Its falling snow, but its not snow... Its not freezing cold, nor is it hot. Cool breeze blow all around you in a cobalt blue sky and cottons of clouds shift and flow away. And its such a beautiful feeling that you just want to stop the time and relish it forever. You wish it was heaven. Wish the afterlife is as beautiful as this. Life itself as been worse than hell itself. But this time I won't moan. I'm even tired of doing that. I'm still counting my days. But for some reason my mind is totally blank now. I'm not passing every second in hatred in pain anymore. Its just passing by. Hardships and mess ups are still there... but for some peculiar reason I'm seem to be so unaffected. Its as if feelings are just numbed now and emotions are scooped out of my heart. I'm not looking for love anymore and I'm not running away from hate. Its as if I have halted down in this pure white field and the whole world is moving in a blurry fast forward and I'm not least bothered about keeping a track of anything. Funny its so much better than being on anti-depressants or being drunk! At least I'm in my senses. I can feel everything physically but spiritually its just withering away. I'm still scattered in fragments. I shattered the last time and decided I was too tired for not letting it be the last time. So I lay there until the sun shone up. And what is this feeling? Are the fragments shining in a blinding light for a last time before they dissipate into an unexistence? Probably. And I too hope they are...

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